Ok mom its not all your fault that i've decided to join a dating website, but I ain't letting you off that easy! Yes i've moved into the realm of internet dating, where 1 in 5 relationships start that way now! The other four start by random hook-ups at the bar, college orgies, friends of friends, or pure luck.... Well i got no luck, my friends all think im the shit but no one seems to be hooking me up,hey i am going back to college(fingers crossed), and the last time i went to the bar I was the grenade that some girl's ugly friend had to jump on. Watch Jersey Shore if you don't get the grenade joke, but lets just say she was taking one for the team.
Ok ok... how the hell did I get to this point in my life? Pretty simple really, I fell in love with a girl five years ago that i loved and adored and was pretty sure she was the one for me for the rest of my life, blah blah blah. Well that shit didnt work! I maintain that I still love her as much today as I did the day I married her, but reality sets in and you find loves overrated when your ass hurts from being chewed on and you can't seem to do anything right, yes I know typical marriage! And yes dear, ok, whatever you say dear just doesn't exist in my dictionary. And dont get me wrong, I didnt help our situation by any means(mom your son is no saint) but two people with a strong will to be right will always have a hard time admitting when theyre wrong. D.I.V.O.R.C.E. I can't say this will be the last time i mention her in this blog, you just don't wipe your ass clean after 5 years shhhtuff by blinking but the hope here is to not step backwards into the reminence of what i refer to the last 5 years now as the ice ages.
Now there's been a few women in between then and now, enough to tickle my fancy. And to help keep track of all said women i shall be numbering them, it's how my dad kept track of my women in high school and i still find that funny, demeaning yes, but get over it, technically you girls still owe us a rib! Number One, has always been a huge pain in my ass for prob 4 years now! yes even when I was still dating the ex, still maintain i did not cheat on my ex but ONE did not help my situation. Always liked her but few people can aggravate me like her. She's the one that calls you (by all means)and wants to chill then leaves your ass hangin. Oh and then tells you about all her dirty whorish adventures with other men(eff woman i dont need to know!!), but the best i get is foreplay and a little how do you do... I deleted her off facebook(It's considered corporal punishment now a days) and eff that if i ever talk to her again. FUGGEM! TWO is a cute little thing will always have my attention, she knows im a sucker for her, and is a champion and dangling that damn carrot. She's been the only one i believe worthy of dating so far. Go figure the one you want aint havin you, story of my life. There have been a couple best 30 seconds of their lives(sorry ladies i claim to be good at everything but sex)a.k.a one night stands, and a few other unmentionables not worth repeating... And thats no slam to them just some things need to be kept private! So we shall skip to lets start with number Nine from here on out.. Men lie so it should be Five or something but im still starting with Nine damnit.
28 years old is not the best time to jump back into the dating world... I'll be Frank.. IT EFFFING SUCKS!! Finding quality women in Utah is hard! The break down of women ill be dealing with goes into three general categories when your at my stage in life. Category Numero Uno:LDS women- This is Utah remember, love em, some of the craziest girls i've ever dated! But at the end of the day they're gonna put the beer down and theyre going through the temple. Not me!!(sorry grandma) So kiss category one good bye... Category #2: Late Bloomers- These are the 24+ aged women never been married or just divorced and getting desperate! Something about this age in Utah women begin to snap, and its probably gonna be the most common girl i meet on the dating website! They usually have daddy issues, or they're "independent" women(even worse).. Category #3:MILF's!! - Love em!! but they already got kids and i don't want someone elses brat kids and I just ain't that desperate yet.. I wont pass up a good one but they're outside my criteria for now. sorry...
Well here goes nothing!! The profile has already been setup so we shall hope for the best. Hopefully this blog will be pretty entertaining with all my stories to come and who knows maybe ill find someone worth while! If this shit works ill blog til the day i get married, i promise! I've already tried to make a few connections with some girls but no feedback yet. And ill try to add a few more entertaining quips about my life in between or as they come.. Lord knows my life can be entertaining... Just ask my boy Jonas he thinks its funny. Funny funny haha or funny funny your pathetic, its really hard to say. We'll see what happens!
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